Enough of the Mommy Guilt!!!

Something struck a cord the other day. If there is one area someone could possibly show vulnerability, it is that of being made to feel like an inadequate mother. A friend made a post on Facebook insinuating that moms who work full time are not raising their own children, but rather allowing daycare centers or sitters to do so. While the comment was not directed at me, it stung. Deep. There are seldom topics that affect all people the same way, but one that feels so very personal about your availability to your children, most moms would feel square between the eyes. 

I love being a mom. It is hands down the most challenging and rewarding job I've ever had. But I also enjoy working, and feel fortunate that I get to do what I love most for a living - write. The two jobs: that of being a good, attentive mom and that of being a productive working professional, are not mutually exclusive. Many women juggle both, a career and child rearing, whether due to a desire to have that balance or due to income necessity. 

Growing up, I longed to write children's books, filled with adjectives so alive, they forced you to use all five senses while reading them. In high school, I envisioned one day becoming a teacher; getting the privilege of witnessing "light bulb moments" daily and being rewarded with hugs and big toothless grins. In college I had aspirations of a becoming a journalist, getting the chance to interview interesting people and write feature articles that make people view the world in a fresh, new way.

While my goals and aspirations shifted and expanded over the years, I still have always pictured myself as a working professional. I also knew from the time I was very young that one day I wanted to become a mother.

The reality is, it is tough to find a job doing something that you love that still allows you to be emotionally and physically available to your children. I feel beyond blessed to have struck a great balance. So while I have had a few "patches" of time here and there where I’ve gotten to experience fully being a stay-at-home-mom, the bulk of the time I've spent trying to balance both motherhood and a career. Which is no easy feat.

Whether a working mom, or a stay-at-home mom, there is one quality we moms all have in common. Mommy guilt. I have yet to meet a mom who doesn't know the meaning of those dreaded words. In this country and society, we have the term down to a tee. If you work, you feel guilty that you can't be with your children more, witnessing more of their milestones and just enjoying their presence. If you stay-at-home, you worry constantly that your kids need more social interaction, that you need a sanity break from them, and that you may have difficulty keeping your professional skills sharp in order to re-enter the workforce one day.  

I think as moms, we all need to drop the Mommy guilt, so it frees us up to be more emotionally available to our kiddos. I am working on this myself…and find writing therapeutic because it keeps me accountable. Whether a mom works outside her home or stays at home with her kids is really not a fair gauge to determining whether she is adequate in her role as a mother.

As I came to pick the girls up from the sitter yesterday, watching both girls squeal with joy as they took turns jumping in the pile of leaves Miss D was repeatedly raking up for them, I smiled. My girls are healthy, happy and surrounded by so many positive people who love them. I honestly don’t have a play-by-play account of every element of my girls’ day, since they are at the sitter while I work. But each day I try to find a way to make a memory with them.

Yesterday, on the way home from church choir practice, Big Sis and I were practicing our arpeggios together, laughing and just enjoying each other’s company. That night, we were both equally exciting to read on to the next chapter of her “Junie B. Jones” book and laugh about the trouble that the main character always manages to get herself in. I know for certain that during these moments, Big Sis and I are bonding, creating memories and connecting. Whether a working mom, or one who has made a career out of motherhood, what matters most is forming that connection, every day, with your child.